She kept saying that she knew I was having sex and that I needed to have them wear condoms, them—plural. You believe that. She things I—you—are fucking like a ton of guys.”“Well its not a ton.”“Like how many?”“Do numbers really matter?”“Yeah. I think I deserve to know. Especially since I’m in the body that has been getting fucked.”“Well there have been six guys I’ve had sex with.”“Six? Really?”“Who?”“Is that really important?”“No I guess not. What is it like?”“What sex?”“Yeah. Well you are in the body. You can find out too, wait. You mean you haven’t had sex yet?”“No.”“With this big dick and you haven’t fucked. Wow.”“You like the fact that I have a big dick?”“You mean that I have a big dick.” He laughed. “Sure. I mean its pretty amazing. I didn’t know having a dick would be like this.”“Having fun are you? Enjoy last night?”“Yeah. Didn’t know it was like that for you. Enjoyed last night and this morning.”“We didn’t do anything this morning. Wait, you mean in the shower?”“Yeah. Its. That spilled over on you and Melody and Lissa and even Wendy. I felt like I could do a better job alone than with all the so-called help I was getting. I became angry.”It sounded so much like what I’d been feeling.“When I saw the painting you did, I was so shocked that it knocked me over the edge. Neil’s commentary about how great it was, thinking I’d painted it, just snapped my whole world view. For a month and a half, I just wandered. I had money. Everything I owned was in my car except my art and I’d turned my back on that. I drove from place to place. I’d find something to draw. I couldn’t paint when I was living in my car, but I could draw. Instead of getting bigger, my vision kept getting smaller. I’d spend an hour drawing a person’s eye or trying to capture the shape of smoke as it rose from the tip of a cigarette. Every time I drew, I sank a little further into myself.“I tried to pull myself together. I decided that I’d go visit your parents and try to get my head back on.
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